I'll take a hand grenade, a reuben and a coffee

At times I just have to look away. Seeing you
happy, having what I don’t have
is a head aching pain, like staring at
the sun. I am aware of how sick a condition
jealousy is. I ask the lord to take it away,
he removes the stinging sensation
usually within days. Often I feel cheated
with how unfair and random
life seems to be, life's blessings are not
spread out fairly. Some run around lost
for years, confused, alone and
void of direction, while others get
everything they ever wanted, many in love
many also alone.

How much of this windy, at times
comatose-like life is our choice? How much
is fate, created and directed
by the divine? I am capable of self improvement,
of compassion. I am always
letting it go. I don’t deserve my
fair share, I may not get what I want. It is too
excruciating to wait for it anyway.

It takes a potent, perspective shaping
walk to get a grip at times.
This solitary activity, full of
harmony, showers me with
understanding of a somewhat
bigger picture. Without this time
of reflection I just push
my discontent deeper down,
avoiding the feelings
I can’t seem to resolve